As quick as they threw him on me, they took him just as fast. I tried to watch as they wiped him off, wondering if he was ok, but the pain that I thought would lessen once he was out just got worse. I felt like I couldn't enjoy the amazing moment because the pain was all I could think about.
The doctor finally got me stitched up, and Brett was able to hand me the baby. I could only hold him for about 2 or 3 minutes before Brett had to take him back because I was shaking so bad from the pain. I could tell Brett was really worried about me because he had Cooper in his arms, but he couldn't stop looking at me and reassuring me that I was going to be ok. It felt like FOREVER before the nurse brought in some meds that were suppose to help with the pain. I ended up taking an Ibprofen and Percocet and finally, after about an hour I was doing a lot better.
My family and Brett's parents got to the hospital pretty quick, so they were there before Cooper had returned from his first bath and check up. At that point I hadn't really even seen or held him. Once they brought him to my room the nurse said that I needed to try and breast feed him...which ended up not being very successful. He was exhausted and so was I. I was able to hold him skin to skin for about 45 minutes or so, and then I handed him off to my mom and the rest of the family so they could have their turns meeting him. After they all had their time, the nurse said she needed to check his vitals and it was then when she noticed that he was breathing pretty fast, and that she wanted to have him checked out by the nursery just to be safe. When Cooper didn't come back to my room for what felt like an eternity, we began to wonder what was up. The nurse finally came back and it was then that she informed us that Cooper would be needing to stay in the Special Care Unit for the time being because he had some meconium in his lungs from a bowel movement he made in my uterus before being born.
Seeing that Brett and I were pretty worried, our families left in order for us to be able to figure things out with the doctors.
Even though this happened a couple days ago, it is all kind of a blur when it comes to our emotions and what we were feeling and when. I just know that I had a really hard time with not being able to see him or hold him in the first hours of his life. Brett and I were both pretty shaken up by everything that was going on and really felt helpless. We just sat next to each other and waited...praying that everything was going to be ok.
An update finally came and we were told that Cooper was being put on oxygen and iv's to help flush all the junk out of his lungs. At that point it was just a waiting game and we knew we just had to be patient...which is probably the hardest thing to be in this type of situation.
Later that day...
When we were told that we could finally go see him, Brett helped me into a wheel chair and slowly rolled me down the hall to the Special Care Unit. When we got there was had to do a five minute scrub down of our hands and arms. One of the nurses had to do it for me because I couldn't even stand up from the wheel chair. After washing, I was rolled over to his little heated bed where he was hooked up to a bunch of different tubes and monitors. Seeing him like that broke my heart! My emotions were all over the place after that and they have been a roller coaster ever since. Even writing about it makes me a little teary eyes because I hate that he has to be stuck in that bed hour after hour.
That night, Brett and his dad gave Cooper a blessing while his mom and I stayed back in the room. I knew I couldn't handle listening to the blessing because I would have lost it. They came back to the room looking very hopeful and at peace, and I knew everything was going to be ok. Chuck, Brett's dad, told me a little of what Brett had said in the blessing and it was so good to hear that we were being reassured by our Heavenly Father that everything would turn out fine. I was also told that Brett told Cooper to honor his mother and to know that I had been through a lot to bring him into the world. After hearing that I balled. I just imagined Cooper growing up, turning to me for his needs and loving me as I love my own mother.
I love Cooper so much. I can't even explain how I feel when I see him and touch him. I was a part in creating such a beautiful little person. It is incredible to feel this much love for someone. This whole experience has also really brought Brett and I together like never before. We rely solely on each other and our Father in Heaven.
We are a family.
1 comment:
I am really glad you shared your experience. You really never know how much your own mother loves you until you have your own. Its really hard to watch your child go through something like this. Cambria had stopped breathing 3 times after she was born and had to be on oxygen. I hardly got to see her the first day and it was really hard to hold her. What a wonderful blessing Brett gave.
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